Good day today. My dad arrived late last night. Great to see him. I cooked dinner the last two nights. I enjoy cooking when I feel OK. And I enjoy cooking for my family. My dad, Seth, and I took a walk today around the boardwalk and Boulevard Park. It was chilly and windy, but sunny and nice to be outside.
Ethan
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Friday
Less energy today. Ugh. I am tired of this roller coaster.
Some good news: we will have friends and family visiting for the next two weeks. My dad arrives late Saturday. He and my mom leave Monday for Hawaii for a week (they are going to Maui, where Grace and I went, but not staying at the same place). My friends Eric and Meredith arrive Monday from North Carolina and depart next Saturday. My friend Hannah and her son Henry arrive next Friday from the Bay Area and depart the following Monday. My parents return that Monday and my dad departs the following Saturday.
Some more good news: the heat in our downstairs apartment is working again. The heat in the apartment has worked erratically for years, but stopped working entirely this past week, just in time for a cold snap that has brought snow, ice, and sub-freezing temperatures to Bellingham. During past periods of malfunction, I had the company (Hydro Mechanical) that installed our hydronic (hot water) heating system come over several times to try to fix it. They were unable to fix it, although they charged me for their time and for replacing several parts that didn't solve the problem. Needless to say, I do not recommend Hydro Mechnical. This time, on the recommendation of my mom's friend Kaye, I called Marr's Heating. They sent out a technician today who correctly diagnosed the problem within about 30 seconds. I do recommend Marr's Heating.
Ethan
Some good news: we will have friends and family visiting for the next two weeks. My dad arrives late Saturday. He and my mom leave Monday for Hawaii for a week (they are going to Maui, where Grace and I went, but not staying at the same place). My friends Eric and Meredith arrive Monday from North Carolina and depart next Saturday. My friend Hannah and her son Henry arrive next Friday from the Bay Area and depart the following Monday. My parents return that Monday and my dad departs the following Saturday.
Some more good news: the heat in our downstairs apartment is working again. The heat in the apartment has worked erratically for years, but stopped working entirely this past week, just in time for a cold snap that has brought snow, ice, and sub-freezing temperatures to Bellingham. During past periods of malfunction, I had the company (Hydro Mechanical) that installed our hydronic (hot water) heating system come over several times to try to fix it. They were unable to fix it, although they charged me for their time and for replacing several parts that didn't solve the problem. Needless to say, I do not recommend Hydro Mechnical. This time, on the recommendation of my mom's friend Kaye, I called Marr's Heating. They sent out a technician today who correctly diagnosed the problem within about 30 seconds. I do recommend Marr's Heating.
Ethan
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Better
I got to cuddle with Miles last night. He crawled into bed between Grace and me during the night, and I snuggled with him for the rest of the night. Didn't help me sleep, but felt good.
My energy level improved yesterday and continued to be good today. I hope this means that the chemo fatigue has passed (knock on wood). The fatigue was terrible, as I've mentioned. I don't know that I can do chemo again if it means going back to that dark place. I feel like I barely made it out of the abyss.
I talked to my department chair and friend Larry Symons yesterday and decided to return to work and teaching in the spring quarter, which starts at the end of March. Of course I don't know what's going to happen with my health, but I am going to assume that I will be able to teach, and hope for the best. I feel good about this decision. I need something to look forward to, some structure in my life, and some way to feel productive and meaningful. Coaching YMCA basketball has provided that lately, but that ends this Saturday.
To celebrate this decision, I went into the office this afternoon and worked a little, which felt good.
Ethan
My energy level improved yesterday and continued to be good today. I hope this means that the chemo fatigue has passed (knock on wood). The fatigue was terrible, as I've mentioned. I don't know that I can do chemo again if it means going back to that dark place. I feel like I barely made it out of the abyss.
I talked to my department chair and friend Larry Symons yesterday and decided to return to work and teaching in the spring quarter, which starts at the end of March. Of course I don't know what's going to happen with my health, but I am going to assume that I will be able to teach, and hope for the best. I feel good about this decision. I need something to look forward to, some structure in my life, and some way to feel productive and meaningful. Coaching YMCA basketball has provided that lately, but that ends this Saturday.
To celebrate this decision, I went into the office this afternoon and worked a little, which felt good.
Ethan
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Sports sports sports
I finally finished "The Book of Basketball" by Bill Simmons. It was good but too long (over 700 pages). Simmons himself starts joking near the end about how the book is too long and he needs to wrap it up. It might be better to read the book in random chunks rather than straight through. Simmons goes so deep over-analyzing NBA basketball that he loses even me.
However, I felt connected to a little piece of NBA history, as I was at the famous Michael Jordan-LaBradford Smith game in 1993 (see footnote on page 613 of Simmons). I was living in DC then and had a mini-season pass to the Washington Bullets (now the Wizards) - not because I was a fan of the Bullets, but to see other teams, such as the Bulls. LaBradford Smith was a guard for the Bullets who had outscored Jordan 37 to 25 the previous night. Jordan took it personally and vowed revenge on poor LaBradford. So in the game that I saw Jordan scored 36 points...by halftime, and 47 through three quarters before sitting out the fourth quarter. My seat was by where the visiting team came in and out, so I have some blurry photos of Jordan and the other Bulls.
For the full story plus video: http://www.nbaloud.com/michael-jordan-and-labradford-smith/
Simmons accurately describes one thing that made Jordan great - the fact that everyone wanted to feel connected to his greatness, as if a little bit of it might rub off on them. We knew that history was being made, and by witnessing it we were participating in it. In retrospect, I don't think Jordan was the most interesting person. His defining characteristic was hyper-competitiveness. I would rather my sons grow up to be like Steve Nash than like Jordan. But I'm glad I got to see Jordan play in person.
A random sports note: I would like to see Malcolm Gladwell write an article about how to value NFL cornerbacks. I think it would be interesting because traditional statistics (interceptions, tackles, even passes defended) don't reflect true value, because when a cornerback gets a reputation for being really good, quarterbacks will avoid throwing to the receiver that he is covering. Like Nnamdi Asomugha of the Oakland Raiders - nobody throws at him (there are too many easier ways to attack the Raiders defense). He's a free agent, and I'd love to see the Patriots sign him, although they probably won't spend the money. But how do you quantify how good he is? Since he usually shuts down the opponent's top receiver, you'd have to figure out a way to measure how much that detracts from the opponent's offense.
Ethan
However, I felt connected to a little piece of NBA history, as I was at the famous Michael Jordan-LaBradford Smith game in 1993 (see footnote on page 613 of Simmons). I was living in DC then and had a mini-season pass to the Washington Bullets (now the Wizards) - not because I was a fan of the Bullets, but to see other teams, such as the Bulls. LaBradford Smith was a guard for the Bullets who had outscored Jordan 37 to 25 the previous night. Jordan took it personally and vowed revenge on poor LaBradford. So in the game that I saw Jordan scored 36 points...by halftime, and 47 through three quarters before sitting out the fourth quarter. My seat was by where the visiting team came in and out, so I have some blurry photos of Jordan and the other Bulls.
For the full story plus video: http://www.nbaloud.com/michael-jordan-and-labradford-smith/
Simmons accurately describes one thing that made Jordan great - the fact that everyone wanted to feel connected to his greatness, as if a little bit of it might rub off on them. We knew that history was being made, and by witnessing it we were participating in it. In retrospect, I don't think Jordan was the most interesting person. His defining characteristic was hyper-competitiveness. I would rather my sons grow up to be like Steve Nash than like Jordan. But I'm glad I got to see Jordan play in person.
A random sports note: I would like to see Malcolm Gladwell write an article about how to value NFL cornerbacks. I think it would be interesting because traditional statistics (interceptions, tackles, even passes defended) don't reflect true value, because when a cornerback gets a reputation for being really good, quarterbacks will avoid throwing to the receiver that he is covering. Like Nnamdi Asomugha of the Oakland Raiders - nobody throws at him (there are too many easier ways to attack the Raiders defense). He's a free agent, and I'd love to see the Patriots sign him, although they probably won't spend the money. But how do you quantify how good he is? Since he usually shuts down the opponent's top receiver, you'd have to figure out a way to measure how much that detracts from the opponent's offense.
Ethan
Out of the abyss
Today is the first day that I feel well enough to write since last Thursday. As I've noted before, it's amazing how quickly things can change. Last Thursday was a good day. I went to an interesting talk on molecular biology and genetics at WWU by Clint Spiegel. Seth had a basketball game at the YMCA and played well. Grace and I watched "The Office" together. Kristi and I went dancing at "Throwback Thursday" at Rumors.
Then Friday the chemo fatigue hit. From then until today I have been too tired to think clearly, to carry on a conversation, to read, or to enjoy anything. All I want to do is lie down and rest, but when I do, I don't feel better. I just feel sick, miserable, pathetic, helpless, hopeless, and pointless.
But let's talk about some good things. As I mentioned, Kristi and I went dancing (thanks Kristi!). I love to dance and Kristi is a great dancer and a fun friend. I didn't think the DJ was as good as the last time I went to "Throwback Thursday." He played some good songs ("We Got the Beat," "Kiss" by Prince, "Come on Eileen") but his segues were awkward. I guess it's not strictly an 80s night, but I wanted it to be, so some of the songs seemed out of place ("Pretty Woman" from 1964, "Tubthumping" from 1997). Nevertheless, the crowd at Rumors is always interesting, and Kristi and I had a good time.
Now I'm going to brag about Seth and basketball. Our team, the "Green Leprechauns," which I co-coached with my friend Michael Parke, had our last two games of the season Thursday and Saturday. It was fun to see the improvement in the team since the start of the season. We had a good group of kids this year; I enjoyed coaching them. During Thursday's game I took a few videos which you can see here (the last three links): http://myweb.facstaff.wwu.edu/remmele/seth
During Saturday's game my mom took some videos which I will insert here (Seth is number 3):
In this one, you can't see Seth at first, but he ends up passing to Will, who scores:
As you can see, Seth is awesome, in my completely biased opinion. He is a really good ballhandler for his age. He could pretty much drive and get lay-ups at will, but he tried to be unselfish and pass as well. One of my favorite plays was the last play of our last game: Seth passed to Nicole (the only girl on our team) in the high post, who passed to Sebastian in the low post, who turned and scored.
I think Seth could be a good point guard in the future, if he decides to continue with basketball. Given Lynn's and my builds, he is bound to be a string bean, but he is quick and coordinated and has good court awareness. I wish I could be around to coach him and watch him.
About the only other good thing lately was Monday evening. We had a basketball practice at the YMCA, which got me up and off my butt. Then my mom, Seth, and I went to the movie "The Illusionist" at the Pickford. This animated film is based on a story by Jacques Tati ("Mr. Hulot") and adapted by Sylvain Chomet. It has very little dialogue (like the "Mr. Hulot" films) but is funny, sad, and sweet. It contains some of the most beautiful animated scenes I have ever seen.
After the movie Seth stayed at our house and I got to cuddle with him. We read "Tintin in Tibet" and he fell asleep in my arms. There is nothing better than holding your child and hearing and feeling his breath become slow and steady as he falls asleep, and to know that he must feel comfortable and safe.
Ethan
Then Friday the chemo fatigue hit. From then until today I have been too tired to think clearly, to carry on a conversation, to read, or to enjoy anything. All I want to do is lie down and rest, but when I do, I don't feel better. I just feel sick, miserable, pathetic, helpless, hopeless, and pointless.
But let's talk about some good things. As I mentioned, Kristi and I went dancing (thanks Kristi!). I love to dance and Kristi is a great dancer and a fun friend. I didn't think the DJ was as good as the last time I went to "Throwback Thursday." He played some good songs ("We Got the Beat," "Kiss" by Prince, "Come on Eileen") but his segues were awkward. I guess it's not strictly an 80s night, but I wanted it to be, so some of the songs seemed out of place ("Pretty Woman" from 1964, "Tubthumping" from 1997). Nevertheless, the crowd at Rumors is always interesting, and Kristi and I had a good time.
Now I'm going to brag about Seth and basketball. Our team, the "Green Leprechauns," which I co-coached with my friend Michael Parke, had our last two games of the season Thursday and Saturday. It was fun to see the improvement in the team since the start of the season. We had a good group of kids this year; I enjoyed coaching them. During Thursday's game I took a few videos which you can see here (the last three links): http://myweb.facstaff.wwu.edu/remmele/seth
During Saturday's game my mom took some videos which I will insert here (Seth is number 3):
In this one, you can't see Seth at first, but he ends up passing to Will, who scores:
As you can see, Seth is awesome, in my completely biased opinion. He is a really good ballhandler for his age. He could pretty much drive and get lay-ups at will, but he tried to be unselfish and pass as well. One of my favorite plays was the last play of our last game: Seth passed to Nicole (the only girl on our team) in the high post, who passed to Sebastian in the low post, who turned and scored.
I think Seth could be a good point guard in the future, if he decides to continue with basketball. Given Lynn's and my builds, he is bound to be a string bean, but he is quick and coordinated and has good court awareness. I wish I could be around to coach him and watch him.
About the only other good thing lately was Monday evening. We had a basketball practice at the YMCA, which got me up and off my butt. Then my mom, Seth, and I went to the movie "The Illusionist" at the Pickford. This animated film is based on a story by Jacques Tati ("Mr. Hulot") and adapted by Sylvain Chomet. It has very little dialogue (like the "Mr. Hulot" films) but is funny, sad, and sweet. It contains some of the most beautiful animated scenes I have ever seen.
After the movie Seth stayed at our house and I got to cuddle with him. We read "Tintin in Tibet" and he fell asleep in my arms. There is nothing better than holding your child and hearing and feeling his breath become slow and steady as he falls asleep, and to know that he must feel comfortable and safe.
Ethan
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Misc. news
In an act of either optimism or denial, I registered for a conference (International Congress for the Study of Child Language) in Montreal this July 19-23, 2011. I have avoided making commitments that far in the future, but the registration deadline was coming up, so I had to make a decision. Back in July 2010, I submitted a presentation as part of a symposium titled "Links between language and social-cognitive development: Insights from deafness." Our symposium was accepted in October. My presentation will be based on my research with Kim Peters on theory of mind and language in children with cochlear implants, so Kim can take my place if I can't attend.
I was checking out the settings on this blog, which I'd never done carefully before, and I changed a few. I changed it so search engines such as Google should ignore this blog from now on. Let me know if this causes anyone any problems. I figure my Psychology Today blog is more suitable for public consumption. I enabled a setting that's supposed to make it easier for visitors to email posts to their friends. I could change it so anyone can comment anonymously without needing to register, but I'm not sure if that would result in spam comments. I can also enter up to 10 email addresses to which blog updates will be automatically emailed. Let me know if you want me to do that for you.
I was able to sleep last night - yay!
I was checking out the settings on this blog, which I'd never done carefully before, and I changed a few. I changed it so search engines such as Google should ignore this blog from now on. Let me know if this causes anyone any problems. I figure my Psychology Today blog is more suitable for public consumption. I enabled a setting that's supposed to make it easier for visitors to email posts to their friends. I could change it so anyone can comment anonymously without needing to register, but I'm not sure if that would result in spam comments. I can also enter up to 10 email addresses to which blog updates will be automatically emailed. Let me know if you want me to do that for you.
I was able to sleep last night - yay!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Wednesday update
I couldn't sleep at all last night, not sure why. I wasn't stressed, just not tired. Hoping to sleep tonight.
The sun shone a little today. I took the opportunity to do some yard work, which felt good.
Saw Seth this afternoon. They had a special event for the 3rd-graders at his school tonight: dinner, movie, and a sleepover, although Seth decided not to do the sleepover. But he enjoyed the event and is going back in the morning for the breakfast.
I went to the WWU men's basketball game tonight with friends Troy, Ben, Barry Potter, and Jonah White. WWU beat their archrival Central Washington (league leader and ranked #9 in Division II) in a close, hard-fought game (final score: 66-62). The game was televised on FSN Northwest.
I'm still feeling OK (knock on wood), except for a little tired from not sleeping last night.
Ethan
The sun shone a little today. I took the opportunity to do some yard work, which felt good.
Saw Seth this afternoon. They had a special event for the 3rd-graders at his school tonight: dinner, movie, and a sleepover, although Seth decided not to do the sleepover. But he enjoyed the event and is going back in the morning for the breakfast.
I went to the WWU men's basketball game tonight with friends Troy, Ben, Barry Potter, and Jonah White. WWU beat their archrival Central Washington (league leader and ranked #9 in Division II) in a close, hard-fought game (final score: 66-62). The game was televised on FSN Northwest.
I'm still feeling OK (knock on wood), except for a little tired from not sleeping last night.
Ethan
Warning: sports geek-out ahead
I am almost done with Bill Simmons's "The Book of Basketball," which has a foreword by one of my other favorite writers: Malcolm Gladwell (http://www.gladwell.com/), who Simmons describes as one of his favorite biracial Canadians. Simmons is somewhat of an idiot savant when it comes to writing about sports and making pop culture references (OK, maybe he just watches a lot of TV). Gladwell is equally geeky but writes well on a wider range of topics, including social science. Simmons and Gladwell have had three epic email exchanges on ESPN.com (the most recent: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/one/091218). One of my favorite moments, from the second exchange, was when Gladwell interjected: "Before I answer that, can I lodge a complaint? I don't know if readers realize how this has gone. You e-mail me something. I fret and agonize and worry and send something back a day and a half later. Then half an hour passes and a 1,000-word e-mail pops up in my inbox, with the taunting subject line "Back at you." You are basically one of those Doug Moe Denver Nuggets teams from the 1970s, which would put up 85 points in the first half." (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/090513/part3).
Back to the book. I was a little bored by the section on NBA history, but I read it anyway. I agree with his all-time rankings of players (#1: Michael Jordan) and teams (#1: 1986 Boston Celtics - the best team I ever saw). The book has some good tidbits, such as "you have to love anyone with an ego large enough to name his sons Gary Payton Jr. and Gary Payton II" (others in this category: George Foreman, Manny Ramirez).
Switching gears, but inspired by something Simmons wrote in a recent column, I was thinking about how the Jets managed to beat the Patriots in the playoffs after being blown out by the Patriots 45-3 just six weeks earlier. The Jets have good cornerbacks, particularly Darrelle Revis, and the Patriots don't have good long-ball receivers, since the decline and departure of Randy Moss, so the Jets could go one-on-one on the outside and roll their safeties up to provide run support and take away the short routes and crossing routes by Welker and the tight ends that were key to the Patriots offense. The Patriots need good pass protection from the offensive line and some running game to keep defenses honest, and they have slipped in both areas in recent years (much as I love diminutive running back Danny Woodhead). The Jets were able to pressure Brady (like the Giants in Super Bowl XLII). If given time, Brady is good at stepping up in the pocket, staying calm, and picking apart defenses. But if pressured, he is not good at escaping the pocket and buying time with his legs. It's not just that he's slow, although he is. Both quarterbacks in this year's Super Bowl, Aaron Rodgers and Ben Roethlisberger, are good at scrambling and extending the play, even though neither has Michael Vick-like speed. And it's not that Brady is a wuss - he's good at quarterback keepers in short-yardage situations, which entail some abuse.
Speaking of Aaron Rodgers, he is now my NFL man-crush, unless Brady wins another Super Bowl and cuts his hair, or until Andrew Luck of Stanford enters the league (unless he's drafted by our division rival Dolphins - fortunately the Jets already have their QB, and the Bills are so downtrodden as to be almost sympathetic). My other sports man-crushes: NBA: Paul Pierce - he's not the most handsome guy, but I love his clutchness and leadership. I would say Rajon Rondo, but he still looks 15 years old, so that feels creepy. Leon Powe, before he went from the Celtics to the Cavaliers. Dwyane Wade, although less so now that the Heat are a legitimate threat. Baseball: Brian Wilson (bonus points for sense of humor) and Buster Posey of the Giants. I love Tim Lincecum, but not in a man-crush way. I love the way Dustin Pedroia and Kevin Youkilis of the Red Sox play, but they don't do it for me either - too little vertical and too much horizontal, respectively.
Speaking of the threat the Heat pose to the Celtics, here is my projected order of finish in the NBA:
Eastern Conference:
1. Miami - They are playing together better and playing better defense. I miss Eddie House!
2. Boston - They will trade some wins down the stretch for a chance to rest their aging starters for the playoffs, unless their record is close to that of the Lakers, in which case they will try to get home-court advantage over the Lakers - the team that they, and I, hope they face in the Finals.
3. Chicago - A dangerous team, a little under the radar.
4. Orlando - Their big trades could go either way, but I think they are better now. More vulnerable to injury to one player, Dwight Howard, than any other team in the East. Fortunately for them, Howard is young and seems indestructible.
Western Conference:
1. San Antonio - See note for Celtics.
2. L.A. Lakers - Struggling a little lately, but I think Phil Jackson will get them together down the stretch.
3. Dallas - Lots of pieces, but I'm not convinced of their killer instinct, which has to come from their star, Dirk Nowitzki.
4. Oklahoma City - Perhaps the most interesting question of the playoffs: how deep can the Thunder go, having never won a playoff series before? Lots of exciting young talent, led by Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook.
Ethan
Back to the book. I was a little bored by the section on NBA history, but I read it anyway. I agree with his all-time rankings of players (#1: Michael Jordan) and teams (#1: 1986 Boston Celtics - the best team I ever saw). The book has some good tidbits, such as "you have to love anyone with an ego large enough to name his sons Gary Payton Jr. and Gary Payton II" (others in this category: George Foreman, Manny Ramirez).
Switching gears, but inspired by something Simmons wrote in a recent column, I was thinking about how the Jets managed to beat the Patriots in the playoffs after being blown out by the Patriots 45-3 just six weeks earlier. The Jets have good cornerbacks, particularly Darrelle Revis, and the Patriots don't have good long-ball receivers, since the decline and departure of Randy Moss, so the Jets could go one-on-one on the outside and roll their safeties up to provide run support and take away the short routes and crossing routes by Welker and the tight ends that were key to the Patriots offense. The Patriots need good pass protection from the offensive line and some running game to keep defenses honest, and they have slipped in both areas in recent years (much as I love diminutive running back Danny Woodhead). The Jets were able to pressure Brady (like the Giants in Super Bowl XLII). If given time, Brady is good at stepping up in the pocket, staying calm, and picking apart defenses. But if pressured, he is not good at escaping the pocket and buying time with his legs. It's not just that he's slow, although he is. Both quarterbacks in this year's Super Bowl, Aaron Rodgers and Ben Roethlisberger, are good at scrambling and extending the play, even though neither has Michael Vick-like speed. And it's not that Brady is a wuss - he's good at quarterback keepers in short-yardage situations, which entail some abuse.
Speaking of Aaron Rodgers, he is now my NFL man-crush, unless Brady wins another Super Bowl and cuts his hair, or until Andrew Luck of Stanford enters the league (unless he's drafted by our division rival Dolphins - fortunately the Jets already have their QB, and the Bills are so downtrodden as to be almost sympathetic). My other sports man-crushes: NBA: Paul Pierce - he's not the most handsome guy, but I love his clutchness and leadership. I would say Rajon Rondo, but he still looks 15 years old, so that feels creepy. Leon Powe, before he went from the Celtics to the Cavaliers. Dwyane Wade, although less so now that the Heat are a legitimate threat. Baseball: Brian Wilson (bonus points for sense of humor) and Buster Posey of the Giants. I love Tim Lincecum, but not in a man-crush way. I love the way Dustin Pedroia and Kevin Youkilis of the Red Sox play, but they don't do it for me either - too little vertical and too much horizontal, respectively.
Speaking of the threat the Heat pose to the Celtics, here is my projected order of finish in the NBA:
Eastern Conference:
1. Miami - They are playing together better and playing better defense. I miss Eddie House!
2. Boston - They will trade some wins down the stretch for a chance to rest their aging starters for the playoffs, unless their record is close to that of the Lakers, in which case they will try to get home-court advantage over the Lakers - the team that they, and I, hope they face in the Finals.
3. Chicago - A dangerous team, a little under the radar.
4. Orlando - Their big trades could go either way, but I think they are better now. More vulnerable to injury to one player, Dwight Howard, than any other team in the East. Fortunately for them, Howard is young and seems indestructible.
Western Conference:
1. San Antonio - See note for Celtics.
2. L.A. Lakers - Struggling a little lately, but I think Phil Jackson will get them together down the stretch.
3. Dallas - Lots of pieces, but I'm not convinced of their killer instinct, which has to come from their star, Dirk Nowitzki.
4. Oklahoma City - Perhaps the most interesting question of the playoffs: how deep can the Thunder go, having never won a playoff series before? Lots of exciting young talent, led by Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook.
Ethan
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Chemo today
I had chemo today and I feel OK so far (knock on wood). I wrote about my decision on my Psychology Today blog: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-while-dying/201102/my-decision
By the way, my previous post was also selected as an "Essential Read" by Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-while-dying/201102/living-well
Tonight my mom and I watched the movie "The Yes Men Fix the World" (http://theyesmenfixtheworld.com/), which I highly recommend. It's not exactly a comedy, but I laughed a lot.
Ethan
By the way, my previous post was also selected as an "Essential Read" by Psychology Today: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-while-dying/201102/living-well
Tonight my mom and I watched the movie "The Yes Men Fix the World" (http://theyesmenfixtheworld.com/), which I highly recommend. It's not exactly a comedy, but I laughed a lot.
Ethan
Monday, February 14, 2011
Chemo tomorrow
Grace, my mom, and I met with my local oncologist this morning, then drove down to Seattle and met with my second-opinion oncologist there, then drove back to Bellingham just in time for Seth's basketball practice. Whew, long day.
I decided to go ahead with the chemo scheduled for tomorrow and to stick with the FOLFIRI regimen for now. If the toxicity is intolerable, then I will have to do something else, but I'm going to give it another shot. So I may not be posting as much this week.
Ethan
I decided to go ahead with the chemo scheduled for tomorrow and to stick with the FOLFIRI regimen for now. If the toxicity is intolerable, then I will have to do something else, but I'm going to give it another shot. So I may not be posting as much this week.
Ethan
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Basketball
Our YMCA basketball team played well on Saturday. Seth and Spencer almost executed a perfect "give and go," which I've been teaching them. Several parents from the other team came up to me after the game and complimented how Seth played, which was nice (and indicates that he didn't seem like a jerk while shredding their defense). My mom took some videos with her camera.
In this play, Seth dribbles and passes to Sebastian, who shoots and scores:
In this play, Seth dribbles and passes to Will, who shoots and misses, then Sebastian gets the rebound and misses, then Seth gets the rebound and scores:
In this play, Seth dribbles and passes to Sebastian, who shoots and scores:
In this play, Seth dribbles and passes to Will, who shoots and misses, then Sebastian gets the rebound and misses, then Seth gets the rebound and scores:
Saturday evening Seth, my mom, and I watched the WWU women's basketball team beat Simon Fraser University. The WWU women's team is now 22-1 and ranked #7 in NCAA Division II.
This morning I met Troy, Ben, and Marisa at Bayou on Bay to watch the Boston Celtics beat the Miami Heat in a good close game. I also enjoyed their BBQ pulled-pork sandwich (the best in town!) and sweet potato fries.
This afternoon my mom and I took a pleasant four-mile walk along the North Lake Whatcom trail. It was a nice day - high of 51 degrees and only partially cloudy.
Ethan
Friday, February 11, 2011
It's all good news
Grace and I just got back from Hawaii. We had a great trip, one of my favorite vacations ever. As a indication of our good fortune, our flight had a strong tailwind and arrived early - in both directions!
We did a good mix of planned activities, spontaneous exploring, and just relaxing. I wouldn't have changed a thing (except for the Celtics losing to the Lakers yesterday).
I also found time to read the first 500 pages of the 700+-page "The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to the Sports Guy" by Bill Simmons, my favorite sportswriter (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/simmons/). The book was a Christmas present from Grace. It's also like a San Francisco burrito - so big that you can't believe you can finish it, but so good that before you know it you're almost done.
I was a little worried that the trip would feel bittersweet, and it may have for Grace at times. But for me it was all sweet, all the time.
In other good news, my blog post "Quantity Versus Quality of Life" was featured today on the Psychology Today home page as an "Essential Read." I also received a very nice message from their editor in chief.
I just posted another entry there: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-while-dying/201102/living-well
I'm trying to get as many of my thoughts down as possible while I have the time and energy. I'm not sure where I'm going with the Psychology Today posts, but I've got plenty to say.
Also, my most recent book review for American Scientist magazine appeared on their website today: http://www.americanscientist.org/bookshelf/pub/nurture-before-birth
I wrote this back in December, and it should appear in a print issue soon.
Grace, Miles, and I are staying at Grace's parents' house tonight and driving back to Bellingham in the morning. Seth has a basketball game at 10 am.
Aloha and mahalo!
Ethan
We did a good mix of planned activities, spontaneous exploring, and just relaxing. I wouldn't have changed a thing (except for the Celtics losing to the Lakers yesterday).
I also found time to read the first 500 pages of the 700+-page "The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to the Sports Guy" by Bill Simmons, my favorite sportswriter (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/simmons/). The book was a Christmas present from Grace. It's also like a San Francisco burrito - so big that you can't believe you can finish it, but so good that before you know it you're almost done.
I was a little worried that the trip would feel bittersweet, and it may have for Grace at times. But for me it was all sweet, all the time.
In other good news, my blog post "Quantity Versus Quality of Life" was featured today on the Psychology Today home page as an "Essential Read." I also received a very nice message from their editor in chief.
I just posted another entry there: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-while-dying/201102/living-well
I'm trying to get as many of my thoughts down as possible while I have the time and energy. I'm not sure where I'm going with the Psychology Today posts, but I've got plenty to say.
Also, my most recent book review for American Scientist magazine appeared on their website today: http://www.americanscientist.org/bookshelf/pub/nurture-before-birth
I wrote this back in December, and it should appear in a print issue soon.
Grace, Miles, and I are staying at Grace's parents' house tonight and driving back to Bellingham in the morning. Seth has a basketball game at 10 am.
Aloha and mahalo!
Ethan
My two blogs
I've now posted three entries on my Psychology Today blog: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-while-dying
I've decided that this blog (the creatively-named "Ethan's Blog") will be more about my personal life and that blog ("Living While Dying" - I actually thought about that name) will be more about end-of-life issues and my thoughts about them. Of course there will be some overlap, but I will figure it out as I go along.
Ethan
I've decided that this blog (the creatively-named "Ethan's Blog") will be more about my personal life and that blog ("Living While Dying" - I actually thought about that name) will be more about end-of-life issues and my thoughts about them. Of course there will be some overlap, but I will figure it out as I go along.
Ethan
Ziplines and videos
Today Grace and I did a zipline tour with Skyline Eco-Adventures. We took a van up a bumpy red-dirt road into the hills above Ka'anapali. We did eight ziplines, ranging from around 500 to around 1200 feet long, across a valley, with views of the ocean and a picnic lunch halfway through. Neither Grace nor I had done a zipline tour before and it was fun. The tour guides were friendly and funny.
After we got back to the hotel, I enjoyed a Lomi Lomi massage. Grace and I had dinner at the Hula Grill, a short walk down the beach from the hotel. We both got the three-course tasting menu. I got a beet & Asian pear salad, macadamia-nut-crusted mahi mahi, and coconut creme brulee. Grace got pot stickers, filet mignon with shiitake mushroom risotto, and a fancy ice cream sandwich. Everything was really good. Grace and I swapped funny old stories.
Although my camera will no longer take pictures, it will still take videos. I have posted some videos from this trip here: http://myweb.facstaff.wwu.edu/remmele/ethanandgrace
Ethan
After we got back to the hotel, I enjoyed a Lomi Lomi massage. Grace and I had dinner at the Hula Grill, a short walk down the beach from the hotel. We both got the three-course tasting menu. I got a beet & Asian pear salad, macadamia-nut-crusted mahi mahi, and coconut creme brulee. Grace got pot stickers, filet mignon with shiitake mushroom risotto, and a fancy ice cream sandwich. Everything was really good. Grace and I swapped funny old stories.
Although my camera will no longer take pictures, it will still take videos. I have posted some videos from this trip here: http://myweb.facstaff.wwu.edu/remmele/ethanandgrace
Ethan
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Penultimate day in paradise
Every morning begins with birdsong. And every morning I see departing guests trudging toward the lobby pulling their wheeled suitcases and I pity them. But tomorrow Grace and I will be them, exiled from Eden.
I am not feeling fatigue and it is amazing. I had forgotten what it feels like to not be tired all the time. Last week I was sleeping 9-10 hours a night and waking up exhausted. Since Sunday I have been sleeping only 5-6 hours a night (because I'm so excited about feeling good) and waking up ready to go.
Another great product of not feeling fatigue is that I've been able to have long enjoyable conversations with Grace. With the fatigue, I find it difficult to sustain conversations and I definitely don't enjoy them as much.
Ethan
I am not feeling fatigue and it is amazing. I had forgotten what it feels like to not be tired all the time. Last week I was sleeping 9-10 hours a night and waking up exhausted. Since Sunday I have been sleeping only 5-6 hours a night (because I'm so excited about feeling good) and waking up ready to go.
Another great product of not feeling fatigue is that I've been able to have long enjoyable conversations with Grace. With the fatigue, I find it difficult to sustain conversations and I definitely don't enjoy them as much.
Ethan
Another good day
Grace and I drove over to Haleakala National Park and up to the top of the volcano Haleakana (10,023 feet above sea level and, if you also count the underwater part, taller than Mount Everest). Great 360-degree view of Maui and, in the distance, the Big Island. We did a few short hikes, watching white clouds fill the green valleys below us. My leg pain was better than yesterday and I walked less slowly and without much of a limp. We had a nice late lunch at the Kula Lodge.
While Grace bought some new books at Barnes & Noble (she's finished all the ones she brought), I had a nice phone conversation with Seth, who was enjoying dinner with my mom. By the way, Lynn told me that Seth has been talking excitedly about some of the things they are doing at his school, which is very exciting for us.
While Grace enjoyed a Hawaiian Lomi Lomi massage at the hotel spa, I talked to my friend Eric, who is in New York City doing some promotion for his new book "Donald" and some events for an ITVS project on women's rights that also involves NY Times op-ed columnist Nicholas Kristof. I was able to give Eric live updates during his alma mater Duke's big comeback win against archrival North Carolina (sorry Lindsay!).
Speaking of "Donald," here's some recent coverage:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/08/AR2011020800007.html http://www.thetakeaway.org/2011/feb/08/what-we-know-about-donald-rumsfeld/
http://arts.nationalpost.com/2011/02/08/donald/
While Grace bought some new books at Barnes & Noble (she's finished all the ones she brought), I had a nice phone conversation with Seth, who was enjoying dinner with my mom. By the way, Lynn told me that Seth has been talking excitedly about some of the things they are doing at his school, which is very exciting for us.
While Grace enjoyed a Hawaiian Lomi Lomi massage at the hotel spa, I talked to my friend Eric, who is in New York City doing some promotion for his new book "Donald" and some events for an ITVS project on women's rights that also involves NY Times op-ed columnist Nicholas Kristof. I was able to give Eric live updates during his alma mater Duke's big comeback win against archrival North Carolina (sorry Lindsay!).
Speaking of "Donald," here's some recent coverage:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/02/08/AR2011020800007.html http://www.thetakeaway.org/2011/feb/08/what-we-know-about-donald-rumsfeld/
http://arts.nationalpost.com/2011/02/08/donald/
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Late night
I'm in such a good mood that I can't sleep. I can't explain why. I am so glad to be here with Grace. I want to hug and kiss her, but she is sleeping so I will let her be. I went out on the balcony of our hotel room and listened to the iPod that Larry Schadt gave me and danced in the dark. I thought about some of my favorite friends to go out dancing with: Craig Williams, Mike Martin, Troy Abel, Kristi Lemm...
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Lana'i
Another nice day. Sunny and warm. Grace and I took a catamaran cruise with Trilogy Excursions (who I would recommend) to Lana'i, a neighboring island that is less developed. We saw humpback whales on the way there and the way back. The most remarkable moment I saw was a whale that slapped its tail on the surface more than 20 times in succession before I stopped counting. At Lana'i we hung out on a beach and snorkeled. I saw a little black and white spotted moray eel. We also walked along the seacliffs and looked out over the bright blue sea. The crew popped the spinnaker on the way back.
My bone pain was much better this morning, although it increased a little this afternoon. The pain is quite something, the worst I've felt since last summer, but I actually prefer it to the fatigue/sick to my stomach feeling I get from chemo. I understand pain. I know how to deal with pain (up to a point, which I hope I don't reach on this trip).
Ethan
My bone pain was much better this morning, although it increased a little this afternoon. The pain is quite something, the worst I've felt since last summer, but I actually prefer it to the fatigue/sick to my stomach feeling I get from chemo. I understand pain. I know how to deal with pain (up to a point, which I hope I don't reach on this trip).
Ethan
Monday, February 7, 2011
Monday update
Grace and I had a very nice day together. Breakfast buffet in the hotel courtyard (included in our package). Then we drove over to the South Shore and relaxed at Makena Beach. We had lunch in Pa'ia on the North Shore, and then watched the surfers, windsurfers, and kiteboarders at Ho'okipa Beach. Back to Ka'anapali; dinner at an outdoor bar at the Westin. Now Grace and I are relaxing in our hotel room. Screen door open to our lanai (balcony/patio). Live Hawaiian music in the hotel courtyard.
One of my favorite things about the day was that Grace and I had lots of time to talk about whatever we wanted, which we rarely have at home. It reminded me that we were good friends before we were romantic partners, which I think gave our romantic relationship a solid foundation.
I feel good except for the bone pain, which has gotten worse, particularly in my legs. I am wearing two Fentanyl patches now and also taking oxycodone for breakthrough pain. I am walking slowly and with a limp. But I'm in a good mood and having a good time.
Ethan
One of my favorite things about the day was that Grace and I had lots of time to talk about whatever we wanted, which we rarely have at home. It reminded me that we were good friends before we were romantic partners, which I think gave our romantic relationship a solid foundation.
I feel good except for the bone pain, which has gotten worse, particularly in my legs. I am wearing two Fentanyl patches now and also taking oxycodone for breakthrough pain. I am walking slowly and with a limp. But I'm in a good mood and having a good time.
Ethan
Sunday, February 6, 2011
new Psychology Today blog
Thanks to my colleague Ira Hyman, I now have a blog on the Psychology Today website. Ira suggested me to their blog editor. My blog is called "Living While Dying" and it's listed under the "Resilience" topic. Here's the link:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-while-dying
I just posted my first entry. Feel free to tell people about this new blog. Apparently I get some money based on the number of hits.
Ethan
P.S. Congratulations to the Green Bay Packers and Super Bowl MVP Aaron Rodgers!
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-while-dying
I just posted my first entry. Feel free to tell people about this new blog. Apparently I get some money based on the number of hits.
Ethan
P.S. Congratulations to the Green Bay Packers and Super Bowl MVP Aaron Rodgers!
Hi from Hawaii
Grace and I arrived late Friday night. We are staying at the Ka'anapali Beach Hotel on the west side of Maui. An excerpt from our guide book: "Older but still attractive, this charming hotel is full of aloha. Locals say that it's one of the few resorts on the island where you can get a true Hawaiian experience. The entire staff takes part in the hotel's ongoing Po'okela program to learn about the history, traditions, and values of Hawaiian culture, and shares its knowledge and stories with guests."
Yesterday was Grace's birthday. We had a nice day. We went snorkeling just down the beach from the hotel at a rocky point known as Pu'u Keka'a (or Black Rock). I didn't feel sick while in the water. Clear water, great visibility. Lots of tropical fish. I saw a big sea turtle. But the coolest thing was that I could hear the humpback whales singing offshore. I don't know how far away they were because I didn't see them. But underwater you could hear their eerie keening.
We relaxed by the pool in the afternoon. For a special birthday dinner we went to a French restaurant in Lahaina (the town just south of Ka'anapali) called Gerard's that is said to be the best restaurant on Maui. We enjoyed the eight-course seafood tasting menu and shared a half-bottle of Acacia 2007 chardonnay (in honor of my friend Michael, formerly the winemaker at Acacia).
This morning we went to the special Chinese New Year brunch at the hotel. Lots of good Chinese food, although not as good as Grace's mom's cooking. I'm watching the Celtics beat the Magic right now. This afternoon is the Super Bowl (Go Packers!). The hotel is setting up screens by the pool and tiki bar so we can watch outside.
Unfortunately my camera is not working so we may not have any photographic evidence that we were in Hawaii (or any pictures of Grace in her bikini - trust me, she looks good!). Also unfortunately my bone pain has increased a little, so I put on a Fentanyl patch for the first time in a couple of weeks. It feels like I've been punched in the thighs and shoulders.
Ethan
Yesterday was Grace's birthday. We had a nice day. We went snorkeling just down the beach from the hotel at a rocky point known as Pu'u Keka'a (or Black Rock). I didn't feel sick while in the water. Clear water, great visibility. Lots of tropical fish. I saw a big sea turtle. But the coolest thing was that I could hear the humpback whales singing offshore. I don't know how far away they were because I didn't see them. But underwater you could hear their eerie keening.
We relaxed by the pool in the afternoon. For a special birthday dinner we went to a French restaurant in Lahaina (the town just south of Ka'anapali) called Gerard's that is said to be the best restaurant on Maui. We enjoyed the eight-course seafood tasting menu and shared a half-bottle of Acacia 2007 chardonnay (in honor of my friend Michael, formerly the winemaker at Acacia).
This morning we went to the special Chinese New Year brunch at the hotel. Lots of good Chinese food, although not as good as Grace's mom's cooking. I'm watching the Celtics beat the Magic right now. This afternoon is the Super Bowl (Go Packers!). The hotel is setting up screens by the pool and tiki bar so we can watch outside.
Unfortunately my camera is not working so we may not have any photographic evidence that we were in Hawaii (or any pictures of Grace in her bikini - trust me, she looks good!). Also unfortunately my bone pain has increased a little, so I put on a Fentanyl patch for the first time in a couple of weeks. It feels like I've been punched in the thighs and shoulders.
Ethan
Thursday, February 3, 2011
New pics and videos
Some pics of Miles, Seth, and I drawing at the dining room table (taken by Grace), plus one from after Seth's second basketball game of the season (taken by Lynn): http://remmel.shutterfly.com/2412
I added links to two new videos from Seth's second game to this page (thanks Lynn for taking the videos!): http://myweb.facstaff.wwu.edu/remmele/seth
I am feeling a little better today. Still tired, but better. Grace and I leave tomorrow for Hawaii for a week, so I may not be posting for a while, although we are bringing a laptop (I wouldn't, but Grace can't be away from Facebook/email for a week!).
Ethan
I added links to two new videos from Seth's second game to this page (thanks Lynn for taking the videos!): http://myweb.facstaff.wwu.edu/remmele/seth
I am feeling a little better today. Still tired, but better. Grace and I leave tomorrow for Hawaii for a week, so I may not be posting for a while, although we are bringing a laptop (I wouldn't, but Grace can't be away from Facebook/email for a week!).
Ethan
Kindness
My colleague Jeff King sent me this poem (thanks Jeff!), which I really like and would like to share:
KINDNESS
Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.
Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in the white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake with sorrow.
you must speak to it ‘til your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore.
Only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
“It is I you have been looking for,”
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.
By Naomi Shihab Nye
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Winning and losing
"It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game." I was thinking about this saying, in the context of sports and life in general. I agree with it, although I am competitive. I like to win and hate to lose. But sometimes winning isn't the point, such as when the sides are mismatched. If the other side is much stronger, then I think your goal should be to play as well as possible. "Do the best you can - that's all you can do." I say this to Seth sometimes. I like it, as a soft-hearted American parent, because it defines success subjectively. If you know that you tried your hardest, that’s enough. I know it’s made me feel better when some of my efforts have been objectively less than awesome (my dissertation comes to mind). And if you are stronger than your opponent, look for a way to make the game interesting or challenging for you – try to set up your teammates for easy baskets, or work on an area where you could improve (e.g., for me, my left hand).
The greatest disappointment of my life was the failure of my marriage to Lynn. But we did the best we could. And our marriage and divorce resulted in some of the greatest joys of my life: Seth and my relationship with Grace, which led to Miles. This is not a put-down of Lynn – Grace and I are just crazy in similar ways that allow us to get along.
The greatest disappointment of my life was the failure of my marriage to Lynn. But we did the best we could. And our marriage and divorce resulted in some of the greatest joys of my life: Seth and my relationship with Grace, which led to Miles. This is not a put-down of Lynn – Grace and I are just crazy in similar ways that allow us to get along.
Da boys
A few stories about the boys:
We were leaving basketball practice after a scrimmage and Seth asked me "Daddy, did I shoot too much?" I assured him that he had done a good mix of shooting and passing, which was true. "Good," he said, "because I don't want to be a ball hog." Music to my ears.
We were in the car and Seth asked me if I had ever saved money to buy something that I really wanted. I thought about it and said that I had saved money to buy our house. He said "OK, then that's what I'm going to save my money for - a house." I assured him that he didn't need to worry about buying a house for a long time.
Somewhere (not from me!) Miles has picked up the F-word. Grace, Seth, Miles, and I were in the car and Miles was singing songs. We would give him a word, such as "trucks," and he would improvise a song around it. It was very sweet. But he would intersperse his sweet songs with strings of F-bombs that would make a sailor blush. "Hello F***-o! F***-y F***! F***-ety F***!" Seth was cracking up and Grace and I were trying desperately not to laugh.
We were leaving basketball practice after a scrimmage and Seth asked me "Daddy, did I shoot too much?" I assured him that he had done a good mix of shooting and passing, which was true. "Good," he said, "because I don't want to be a ball hog." Music to my ears.
We were in the car and Seth asked me if I had ever saved money to buy something that I really wanted. I thought about it and said that I had saved money to buy our house. He said "OK, then that's what I'm going to save my money for - a house." I assured him that he didn't need to worry about buying a house for a long time.
Somewhere (not from me!) Miles has picked up the F-word. Grace, Seth, Miles, and I were in the car and Miles was singing songs. We would give him a word, such as "trucks," and he would improvise a song around it. It was very sweet. But he would intersperse his sweet songs with strings of F-bombs that would make a sailor blush. "Hello F***-o! F***-y F***! F***-ety F***!" Seth was cracking up and Grace and I were trying desperately not to laugh.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Last week
I haven't posted much this past week because I haven't felt well enough, so I have accumulated some things that I wanted to mention.
I wanted to thank some folks who helped feed us during my mom's absence (she returned late Sunday). Crispin and Jim gave us a tasty lasagna last Wednesday. Grace's parents came up last Thursday and Grace's mom cooked us a delicious dinner and left ingredients for another dinner.
I wanted to thank the Scholtz family for some gifts. When he heard about my upset stomach, Ben gave me some Mallard's lemon ginger sorbet, because ginger is supposed to be good for digestive ailments. I'm not sure if that's true, but I believe Mallard ice cream is good for the soul (I just enjoyed a bowl of it with the vodka-soaked cherries that Jim and Crispin gave us). Ben's parents, Richard and Helen, gave us two CDs that they recorded with Tom Hunter. Miles loves them and has been singing the songs. Grace was playing one of them on the CD player/radio in the kitchen and Miles recognized one of the songs that Richard played on the autoharp when they were over for dinner and Miles asked Grace: "Why is Mister Richard on the radio?" I find myself singing along as well. I don't sing often but enjoy it when I do. I think maybe I should sing more.
I played basketball twice last week even though I wasn't feeling well. I usually feel better after I play; I have never regretted playing. But I get tired easily now and then I get lazy, especially on defense. The numbness in my feet makes me feel like I am running in boots. But every time I play I have a couple plays that remind me that I used to be pretty good. Last week there was one play where Dave Rystrom passed to me on the fast break and I didn't see the ball until it almost hit me so I didn't have time to think before I dribbled, spun, and laid the ball in between two defenders.
I got a massage last week, the first full-body massage I think I've ever had, and it was great. I had previously enjoyed a reflexology massage from this massage therapist, Renee, at the cancer center, where she volunteers. I highly recommend her (http://www.reneemarie.net/). The only downside is that her studio is in Ferndale. One of the books about terminal illness (by the way, I'm not reading any more books about dying - I get the idea) made the point that physical touch with others is very important to terminally ill people, which makes sense to me.
The Celtics were on TV three times last week, but the best game was their win on Sunday against the Lakers. If the Celtics have all their players healthy, I think they are the best team in the NBA. But that's a big "if" for an older team over a long season. It was great to see their center Kendrick Perkins back on the court after his knee injury in the Finals last year. When Kevin Garnett has that spring in his step, the Celtics become a championship-caliber team. I sometimes forget that KG used to be a dominant player, because there is no single star in the Celtics' system. I have a growing appreciation for Ray Allen. I have sometimes been frustrated by his inconsistency in the playoffs, but he is playing well this year. It's impressive how he has maintained his level of play into his late 30s. His jump shot is a thing of beauty - the elevation, the quick release, the follow-through. When he's hot, it looks like he is just placing the ball in the basket from 25 feet away. But my favorite is still Paul Pierce. He has become such an efficient scorer and a dedicated defender. I like how he is deliberate and doesn't rush things. And he was there through the lean years, so I'm glad he gets to be on a good team now.
Ethan
I wanted to thank some folks who helped feed us during my mom's absence (she returned late Sunday). Crispin and Jim gave us a tasty lasagna last Wednesday. Grace's parents came up last Thursday and Grace's mom cooked us a delicious dinner and left ingredients for another dinner.
I wanted to thank the Scholtz family for some gifts. When he heard about my upset stomach, Ben gave me some Mallard's lemon ginger sorbet, because ginger is supposed to be good for digestive ailments. I'm not sure if that's true, but I believe Mallard ice cream is good for the soul (I just enjoyed a bowl of it with the vodka-soaked cherries that Jim and Crispin gave us). Ben's parents, Richard and Helen, gave us two CDs that they recorded with Tom Hunter. Miles loves them and has been singing the songs. Grace was playing one of them on the CD player/radio in the kitchen and Miles recognized one of the songs that Richard played on the autoharp when they were over for dinner and Miles asked Grace: "Why is Mister Richard on the radio?" I find myself singing along as well. I don't sing often but enjoy it when I do. I think maybe I should sing more.
I played basketball twice last week even though I wasn't feeling well. I usually feel better after I play; I have never regretted playing. But I get tired easily now and then I get lazy, especially on defense. The numbness in my feet makes me feel like I am running in boots. But every time I play I have a couple plays that remind me that I used to be pretty good. Last week there was one play where Dave Rystrom passed to me on the fast break and I didn't see the ball until it almost hit me so I didn't have time to think before I dribbled, spun, and laid the ball in between two defenders.
I got a massage last week, the first full-body massage I think I've ever had, and it was great. I had previously enjoyed a reflexology massage from this massage therapist, Renee, at the cancer center, where she volunteers. I highly recommend her (http://www.reneemarie.net/). The only downside is that her studio is in Ferndale. One of the books about terminal illness (by the way, I'm not reading any more books about dying - I get the idea) made the point that physical touch with others is very important to terminally ill people, which makes sense to me.
The Celtics were on TV three times last week, but the best game was their win on Sunday against the Lakers. If the Celtics have all their players healthy, I think they are the best team in the NBA. But that's a big "if" for an older team over a long season. It was great to see their center Kendrick Perkins back on the court after his knee injury in the Finals last year. When Kevin Garnett has that spring in his step, the Celtics become a championship-caliber team. I sometimes forget that KG used to be a dominant player, because there is no single star in the Celtics' system. I have a growing appreciation for Ray Allen. I have sometimes been frustrated by his inconsistency in the playoffs, but he is playing well this year. It's impressive how he has maintained his level of play into his late 30s. His jump shot is a thing of beauty - the elevation, the quick release, the follow-through. When he's hot, it looks like he is just placing the ball in the basket from 25 feet away. But my favorite is still Paul Pierce. He has become such an efficient scorer and a dedicated defender. I like how he is deliberate and doesn't rush things. And he was there through the lean years, so I'm glad he gets to be on a good team now.
Ethan
Medical update
I cancelled the chemotherapy I had scheduled for today. I feel like I haven't even recovered from the last chemo, and the prospect of pouring more poisons into my body right now was more than I could bear. Grace and I are going to Hawaii on Friday for a week, and I would not be able to enjoy our time there if I felt like I have the past two weeks. I feel like I recognize the escalating fatigue pattern from last fall. I'm so tired all the time - it feels like the blood in my veins has been replaced by glue. Speaking of blood, I had it drawn today and my CEA (marker of cancer activity) is up slightly to 22.4, which suggests that my current chemotherapy regimen (FOLFIRI + Avastin) may be starting to stop working anyway.
This may be the first step toward stopping or changing treatment or it may not be; I haven't decided yet but I am thinking about it. I have chemo scheduled for when we get back and for now I'm assuming that I will do that. But I'm considering stopping treatment, which would probably mean entering hospice care, which would mean that the goal of my medical care would shift from a balance between extending life and quality of life to an emphasis on quality of life. The irony is that patients in hospice care often live as long or longer than those who continue standard treatment, as discussed in Atul Gawande's excellent New Yorker article from last August: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/08/02/100802fa_fact_gawande
I could switch to the other chemotherapy drug combination available for my condition (FOLFOX), which just replaces one drug (irinotecan) with another (oxaliplatin) that has different, perhaps worse, side effects. I am also researching clinical trials of new experimental treatments, although those often have complicated eligibility criteria that I do not meet and/or are in faraway locations where I would not want to spend any substantial proportion of my remaining time, away from my kids. There are some trials in Seattle and one in Vancouver BC that I just found.
Ethan
This may be the first step toward stopping or changing treatment or it may not be; I haven't decided yet but I am thinking about it. I have chemo scheduled for when we get back and for now I'm assuming that I will do that. But I'm considering stopping treatment, which would probably mean entering hospice care, which would mean that the goal of my medical care would shift from a balance between extending life and quality of life to an emphasis on quality of life. The irony is that patients in hospice care often live as long or longer than those who continue standard treatment, as discussed in Atul Gawande's excellent New Yorker article from last August: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/08/02/100802fa_fact_gawande
I could switch to the other chemotherapy drug combination available for my condition (FOLFOX), which just replaces one drug (irinotecan) with another (oxaliplatin) that has different, perhaps worse, side effects. I am also researching clinical trials of new experimental treatments, although those often have complicated eligibility criteria that I do not meet and/or are in faraway locations where I would not want to spend any substantial proportion of my remaining time, away from my kids. There are some trials in Seattle and one in Vancouver BC that I just found.
Ethan
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