2016

I won't lie to you. This month was rough. Something about the five-year mark that made it seem more momentous than earlier years (even the first year). I read on a blog titled "Refuge in Grief" that described that passage as "a blink + an eternity" which is apt. Kathy and Seth were just visiting for two weeks, and that tempered the grief. It was great to spend time with them, and the boys bonded over cars and water sports.

I'm looking forward to July 1, when (symbolically) I can move on. Something about turning that calendar to July will be helpful. I've written about it before: with grading (ugh), the anniversary of his death, Fathers' Day, and Ethan's birthday (yesterday)...I feel like a mess.  But I digress...this isn't about me. :-)

Miles is...well, a rambunctious, curious, and emotive kid. Let's just say that he's a kid that wears his emotions on his sleeve.  90% of the time he's happy, but that other 10%, I'm not understating that he'll let you know how. he's. feeling. right. now!!!!  Lots of exclamation points, because that how Miles is. But he's a great kid, full of love and energy, who still loves to snuggle and hold my hand. And gaining tons of independence. Off to Camp Kirby for a week (!) in mid-July.

Anyway, I wish the 50-something faithful followers of this blog lots of happiness this summer. Let me get to July, and I'll be better.

Miles on the ferry to Lopez Island (field trip with my college class!)

Sitting on a glacial erratic on Lopez.

On the last day of third grade!!!

With Seth at the Fathers' Day car show. These kids love cars!  

Another year...

June 2014...another year without Ethan.  :-(  I wish I had something profound to say, but all I can think of is that I miss him.  Things are happening in both warp speed and slow motion, if that makes any sense to you. I can't believe that Ethan has been dead for about half of Miles's life, a fact that makes me so sad. We talk about Ethan quite a bit -- "I miss Daddy" -- but it is difficult for me to understand his sense of loss.  A child's grieving is so much more profound in many ways.

I'm accompanying Miles on a "hike" and picnic at his school, and my heart fills with love, happiness, and wonder at what could be? when I see our adventurous little guys. (Only 3 more days until Miles is a second grader!)  

Folks on the radio tell me that it's Friday the 13th and a Full Moon and the DJs are inviting people to call in with their superstitions.  Neither Ethan nor I were particularly superstitious, but E did often say "knock on wood" which I found amusing.  

Now, some updates:  Kathy has been in town visiting us, and the boys are enjoying lots of "Grandma time."  And very important to us is the Ethan Remmel Memorial Scholarship; last Friday, Kathy presented the annual award to two very deserving Psych students during the annual Psychfest.

Team Remmel with the 2014-15 recipients of the Ethan Remmel Scholarship, Brooklyn Blackburn and Hannah Newman!  Brooklyn is from Bellingham, pursuing her Master’s in Mental Health Counseling at Western and Hannah is a senior majoring in Psychology from Seattle. 

Gifts to Ethan’s scholarship can be made online at www.wwu.edu/give (please be sure to indicate that your gift is for the Ethan Remmel Scholarship online or on the memo line of your check) or by sending a check made payable to the WWU Foundation to: WWU Foundation, 516 High Street, MS 9034, Bellingham, WA 98225-9034.

As always, I welcome your memories, thoughts, and general good cheer!

Love,
~Grace and the rest of Team Remmel. 

PS: I update this blog every year in June.  I also maintain a blog with Miles updates about once a month: http://milesremmel.blogspot.com/

Two years

June is not the best month for me.  Usually there are finals to grade, things to finish up, and of course the "death-iversary" (as fellow widows have coined it).  This year, Miles & I went to Colorado for the first week and I was pretty sick with a sinus cold at elevation. Not fun (but the conference and my panel session were GREAT!).  Miles went to the YMCA of the Rockies Day Camp; he hiked in Rocky Mountain National Park and rode a pony.

Cupcake the pony!

Boys flying kites on a beautiful, blustery evening...

Last Thursday, Jim & Crispin (& Eric), the Bunns, and Miles & I went to Zuanich Park for a picnic dinner.  Honestly, I wasn't sure I was "up" for it, but of course everything was lovely, and I couldn't think of a better way to spend the evening than with great friends, nice weather, good food, and kite-flying.  Sad too, though.  




The past ten days have been a whirlwind of activity...Miles's last day of kindergarten (!!!!!) was today.  I know that there is SO MUCH that Ethan would be proud of.  And, Ethan would be proud that I am watching a lot of sports.  Last night's NBA playoff game was good (I saw the amazing Ray Allen shot) and have been following the Bruins in the NHL Stanley Cup finals.  I've been wearing E's Bruins t-shirt, but they've lost both games I had it on.  So, it'll live in the closet for awhile.

Anyway, I hope this blog post finds you well and that you give a cheer for the Bruins and think of E on the 28th.  Love you and miss you Ethan!!!!! xoxoxoxo

One Year...

Hi,

I don't know who's out there, still following this blog, but I wanted to share some pictures.  Yesterday, June 13th, marked the day that Ethan died a year ago.  Of course that date seems significant because of our loss, but I also wanted to spend it in a way that seemed worthwhile of E's memory, and that brought some happiness to our family. 

So the Remmels (Kathy & Chuck), the Wangs (my parents), and Miles & I spent the early part of this week in Victoria, BC which recalled a wonderful trip that Kathy, Miles, Ethan, Eric, and I took in August 2010.  I treated my parents and Kathy & Chuck to High Tea at the Empress on Tuesday; Kathy & Chuck spent most of yesterday with Miles, as my parents went to Butchart Gardens, and I wandered the Inner Harbour.  Lovely day all around! 

Waiting to board the Victoria Clipper

August 2010

Love,
~Grace

2012

Greetings and (Happy) Belated New Year!

Thank you to those who sent holiday greetings and cards.  I appreciate all your kind thoughts.  The month of December was a whirlwind of travel, eating, and spending time with my family.  Miles & I flew to San Francisco in mid-December to meet Chuck & Kathy, and it was a lovely trip.  We were blessed with good weather, great food and company, and a treat for Miles: "seeing a helicopter fly under the Golden Gate Bridge!" (You'll have to imagine Miles describing this.) 

January has been busy, and we're doing okay. 

Hope every one's 2012 is off to a good start.

~Grace

October

Well, it's October, and autumn is here.  My whole life, it has been my favorite season, with the crunchy leaves, the crisp air, and the bluster.  So it's sad to experience it without Ethan here.  Miles & I continue to do okay.  It's definitely a challenge, but I feel as if we're in a nice little rhythm now.  I'm back working full-time (2 classes this quarter), and Miles is in Pre-K four days a week. 

Larry Symons hosted an Open House on campus last week (thank you Larry!), and lots of people came to remember Ethan.  Not that I need reminders, but it's always nice to hear from others whose lives he touched.  And this community continues to amaze me for its kindness and love. 

Though Ethan & I weren't married, we certainly considered ourselves as such.  And neither of us are/were big jewelry wearers.  But recently I've been wearing a lovely Mother-of-Pearl pendant, and to me, it's having Ethan close to my heart.  (It's a "fancy" letter E.)  This morning, Miles asked me, "why are you wearing a backwards 3?"  Made me smile. 

Love,
~Grace

Maine Memorial Service

I just wanted to share a photo from Ethan's Portland Memorial Service.  As in Bellingham, it was lovely and thoughtful, with lots of tears, and more importantly, laughter shared in memory of Ethan.  After the service, we all walked to the water and threw stones gathered from Orr's Island.  I like to picture the ripples, as Ethan's love, expanding forever into the ocean, and our hearts. 

Thank you everyone,
~Grace