Sunday update

I haven't posted much lately because I haven't felt that there was much remarkable to report. This is a very good thing. For the past week or so my life has felt relatively normal, which is great. Although I appreciate all the encouraging messages I have received, I don't really want to be an inspiration, or shining example of something, or a symbol of some cause. I just want to be a normal guy - a husband, a dad - living my little life - going to work, playing with my sons, playing basketball, doing yard work, etc. One thing that helps is that since the transition from aggressive treatment to hospice care my life is not so dominated by my medical care. Instead of going to the hospital, doctor's office, or lab for blood draws every other day, my hospice nurse comes to the house once a week. She also delivers any medications I need, so we don't need to go to the pharmacy all the time. It's just much more mellow.

And over the past week or so I have felt probably the best overall since my diagnosis last May. My energy is good, my stomach is not upset, my appetite is returning, and I've generally been in a good mood. It's tempting to feel like maybe I'm getting better, maybe the cancer is going away, even though I know that's not true and this period of feeling good is inevitably temporary - but I'll take it, gratefully! My main physical problem continues to be the bone pain, which is pretty severe. I was taking a lot of oxycodone to try to control it, but it was still keeping me up at night. On Tuesday Grace, my mom, and I had a consultation at the SCCA pain clinic in Seattle. They seemed knowledgeable and had some useful suggestions. They did not recommend the intrathecal pump, which I had mentioned in a previous post - they felt that the expected benefit did not justify the surgery, and that there are better ways to manage my pain. They suggested adding methadone to the fentanyl I am already using for long-acting pain relief, and also an a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID). They also suggested "hemibody" radiation, although I would have to wait until a month after the strontium injection (i.e., the first week of May), to avoid excessive radiation exposure.

I worked with my hospice nurse Hannah to implement these suggestions. So now I am on a 100 microgram fentanyl patch and taking methadone and meloxicam (an NSAID that specifically targets the COX-2 pathway to avoid the GI problems associated with the COX-1 pathway), as well as oxycodone and Aleve as needed for breakthrough pain. It's only been a couple of days, but so far this new combination seems to be working pretty well. I've been sleeping better. I think my head is still pretty clear. That's the tradeoff with the painkillers - if I take too many I may feel no pain but I descend into a stupor, and I want to be able to teach, drive, carry on a conversation, etc. So I try to use the minimum amount of painkillers I need to be reasonably comfortable, which for me means accepting some pain.

Over the past week or so I have felt physically OK for just walking around (I've been walking home from work up and over South Hill - I love the views of the bay), but not well enough to play basketball. When my left shoulder pain is bad, my left arm is only semi-functional (my basketball buddies may smirk that I never really use my left hand anyway, but I want to be able to at least catch the ball with two hands). The leg pain is annoying but I could play through it, except that sometimes it's bad enough that my leg actually buckles, which would be a problem on the court. Still, I hope to play at least some half-court this week.

On Thursday my mom and I walked over to Village Books to hear my friend Troy talk about his new book Coming Clean: Information Disclosure and Environmental Performance from MIT Press. Later that night Grace, my mom, and I watched our favorite TV show The Office, on which Steve Carell is being replaced (at least temporarily) by Will Ferrell.

On Friday I finished my post tenure review summary letter for our department chair Larry, who normally writes these letters but obviously can't review himself. This was my first real task as associate chair of the department and I felt good about it because I felt involved in the life of the department. My next task will probably be reviewing the teaching of some of the non-tenure track faculty.

That evening I watched the beginning of the Celtics game (they won to take a 3-0 series lead over the Knicks - they can sweep the series with a win this afternoon). Then my mom and I picked up Seth from a play date at his friend Jesse's house, picked up Troy from the weekly Huxley reception at the Copper Hog, and all had dinner at the Soy House (Vietnamese restaurant on West Bakerview Road), followed by ice cream at Mallard.

Saturday was a beautiful warm sunny day here. We got a cool birthday present for Seth's friend Henry and stopped by the farmers market where we saw lots of friends. I finished mowing our yard and did some other yard work (in a t-shirt because it was so warm!) and then cooked dinner (shrimp and pea risotto) for Seth, my mom, and I (Grace and Miles went down to Seattle this weekend to visit her parents). Then Seth and I picked up Ben and his girlfriend Marisa and went to the Bellingham Slam game. The Slam are a minor league basketball team. They play at the Whatcom Community College gym. Most of the Slam players played at WWU. We had courtside seats courtesy of Ben (thanks Ben!) because Mallard Ice Cream is a sponsor of the Slam. The Slam beat the Olympia Reign 122-99 and we had a good time.

Today Seth, Lynn, my mom, and I are going to a birthday party for Seth's friend Henry on Lummi Island. We are giving a ride to Jesse, another of Seth's friends. I am really happy that Seth has made good friends already at his new school.

Ethan