Congratulations to my cousin Annie, who is expecting her second child! It's amazing to me that Annie, who I can still see as a goofy cute blonde toddler, is a grown woman, with a nice husband and kids and everything. Their baby is due June 26, near my birthday of June 28.
Ethan
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Update, basketball
Met with my oncologist Nestor this afternoon. He said I shouldn't freak out too much about the increased CEA number because it's too soon to tell whether the chemo is working and may bring that number back down. I have chemo tomorrow afternoon. I hate the chemo. It feels like going to your own execution - except they don't kill you, just make you really sick and then send you home. And the people are very nice and cheerful.
To make myself feel better, I played basketball yesterday and today. Two games of full court yesterday and about four games of half court today. I'm tired now, but the part of my tiredness that's from basketball is a good tired. I figured I should play while I have the chance, since I will be wearing the gross chemo pump for the next few days.
I used to be pretty quick on the court. Not Chris Stark quick, but pretty good for our game (Chris is the fastest guy in our game). But now I am soo slooow. I'll go into a move that used to work well, and halfway through I'm thinking: this is taking a long time, and it's not working so well, as the defenders go and get a drink and come back. And I used to have pretty good hops. In my 20s, before my knee surgeries, I could dunk - not bad for a 6'2" white guy. But now any rebounds I get are due to position, not height off the floor. I have to "do my work early," as they say (work to get good position before the ball goes up).
But speaking of quick and hops, Lucky Tedrow was on a tear today. He drained his first three three-pointers. When he got the ball again, he pump-faked his defender into the air and drove around him. With a mighty grunt he launched himself from just inside the foul line. As he soared through the air he adjusted the velcro flaps on his snazzy shoes, just before slamming the ball through the hoop, hanging on the rim, and inviting his erstwhile defender to taste his salty nuts. Personally I thought that was a bit much, but if I could make that play I suppose I'd talk some smack too.
But seriously, I have felt very supported by our little basketball community. A lot of the players have let me know in little ways that they know about my situation and they're pulling for me, which I appreciate.
As my friend Eric and I have talked about (and he wrote about in his excellent novel "Winners," which I highly recommend http://www.amazon.com/Winners-Eric-B-Martin/dp/1596921617 - perfect for every Christmas stocking!), pickup basketball friendships are a funny thing. Most of these guys I rarely see off the court. And yet in some ways we are close - for the past 8 years I have sweated, competed, collided, argued, made up, high-fived, and celebrated with them.
Ethan
To make myself feel better, I played basketball yesterday and today. Two games of full court yesterday and about four games of half court today. I'm tired now, but the part of my tiredness that's from basketball is a good tired. I figured I should play while I have the chance, since I will be wearing the gross chemo pump for the next few days.
I used to be pretty quick on the court. Not Chris Stark quick, but pretty good for our game (Chris is the fastest guy in our game). But now I am soo slooow. I'll go into a move that used to work well, and halfway through I'm thinking: this is taking a long time, and it's not working so well, as the defenders go and get a drink and come back. And I used to have pretty good hops. In my 20s, before my knee surgeries, I could dunk - not bad for a 6'2" white guy. But now any rebounds I get are due to position, not height off the floor. I have to "do my work early," as they say (work to get good position before the ball goes up).
But speaking of quick and hops, Lucky Tedrow was on a tear today. He drained his first three three-pointers. When he got the ball again, he pump-faked his defender into the air and drove around him. With a mighty grunt he launched himself from just inside the foul line. As he soared through the air he adjusted the velcro flaps on his snazzy shoes, just before slamming the ball through the hoop, hanging on the rim, and inviting his erstwhile defender to taste his salty nuts. Personally I thought that was a bit much, but if I could make that play I suppose I'd talk some smack too.
But seriously, I have felt very supported by our little basketball community. A lot of the players have let me know in little ways that they know about my situation and they're pulling for me, which I appreciate.
As my friend Eric and I have talked about (and he wrote about in his excellent novel "Winners," which I highly recommend http://www.amazon.com/Winners-Eric-B-Martin/dp/1596921617 - perfect for every Christmas stocking!), pickup basketball friendships are a funny thing. Most of these guys I rarely see off the court. And yet in some ways we are close - for the past 8 years I have sweated, competed, collided, argued, made up, high-fived, and celebrated with them.
Ethan
Monday, November 29, 2010
Yikes
This morning I got the results from my blood test from last Wednesday 11/24. The good news: my white blood cell, red blood cell, and platelet numbers were all good, in the low normal range. The very bad news: my CEA has shot up to 23.1 (from 5.0 on 11/3 and 1.1 on 10/13 - higher indicates more cancer activity). I meet with my local oncologist tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon and my second-opinion oncologist in Seattle next Tuesday 12/7, so I'm sure we'll discuss the implications of this. Through a connection provided by JK, I have also started talking to a doctor in San Francisco who is a sort of private medical investigator for hire. He has given me some ideas about possible backup treatment options.
Ethan
Ethan
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Harrison Hot Springs
Grace, Miles, Grandma Kathy, and I just returned from a very relaxing weekend at the Harrison Hot Springs Resort in BC. I had never been there before but I would be happy to go back anytime. Thanks to Grandma Kathy for making the arrangements and treating us to a nice mini-vacation.
We drove up Friday afternoon. The drive reminded me of the annual Memorial Day camping trips that Seth and I have taken to Chilliwack Lake (in the same area of BC) with Lana Frazier and her group of friends. After checking into the resort, we wasted no time in trying out the pools heated with hot springs water. There are five pools (outdoor family pool, outdoor adult pool, outdoor lap pool, indoor pool, indoor hot tub), as well as steam rooms and a spa. The hot springs are supposed to have natural healing powers, and they certainly made me feel better. That evening we enjoyed a very nice dinner at the resort's "Copper Room." Miles was mesmerized by the live jazz band and even danced a little.
The next morning we took a walk along the lakefront. The weather was mostly overcast while we were there, but the mist on the hillsides and the occasional glimpses of snow-covered mountains were very pretty. More soaking in the hot pools ensued. In the afternoon I took another walk along the lake in the other direction. We had dinner at a Thai restaurant with a friendly proprietor. We were so cooled out from our hot soaks that the adults struggled to stay awake as long as Miles.
More eating, walks, and soaks this morning before we had to leave our little hot springs paradise and return to reality and the U.S.A.
Miles enjoyed the hot pools but his favorite activity may have been pretending to call Grandpa Chuck on the phone in the hotel room, which he did approximately 1,000 times. His simulated conversations with Grandpa Chuck were quite cute. Miles claims that he misses Grandpa Chuck about 100 times daily. The rest of us are eager for Grandpa Chuck to arrive here (on December 10) so we can stop hearing about it. :-)
Pics from the trip: http://remmel.shutterfly.com/2008
A video from the trip (scroll down to the bottom of the page for the link): http://myweb.facstaff.wwu.edu/remmele/miles
Ethan
We drove up Friday afternoon. The drive reminded me of the annual Memorial Day camping trips that Seth and I have taken to Chilliwack Lake (in the same area of BC) with Lana Frazier and her group of friends. After checking into the resort, we wasted no time in trying out the pools heated with hot springs water. There are five pools (outdoor family pool, outdoor adult pool, outdoor lap pool, indoor pool, indoor hot tub), as well as steam rooms and a spa. The hot springs are supposed to have natural healing powers, and they certainly made me feel better. That evening we enjoyed a very nice dinner at the resort's "Copper Room." Miles was mesmerized by the live jazz band and even danced a little.
The next morning we took a walk along the lakefront. The weather was mostly overcast while we were there, but the mist on the hillsides and the occasional glimpses of snow-covered mountains were very pretty. More soaking in the hot pools ensued. In the afternoon I took another walk along the lake in the other direction. We had dinner at a Thai restaurant with a friendly proprietor. We were so cooled out from our hot soaks that the adults struggled to stay awake as long as Miles.
More eating, walks, and soaks this morning before we had to leave our little hot springs paradise and return to reality and the U.S.A.
Miles enjoyed the hot pools but his favorite activity may have been pretending to call Grandpa Chuck on the phone in the hotel room, which he did approximately 1,000 times. His simulated conversations with Grandpa Chuck were quite cute. Miles claims that he misses Grandpa Chuck about 100 times daily. The rest of us are eager for Grandpa Chuck to arrive here (on December 10) so we can stop hearing about it. :-)
Pics from the trip: http://remmel.shutterfly.com/2008
A video from the trip (scroll down to the bottom of the page for the link): http://myweb.facstaff.wwu.edu/remmele/miles
Ethan
Friday, November 26, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Story
I have spent a lot of time lately wandering the tunnels of my memory. One story stuck in my head, perhaps because it has been so cold here lately.
The last night of our Alaska trek last August, we camped on a windswept plateau where the bush plane was to pick us up the next day. This was our guide's last trip of the season, and his tents were really summer tents, not ideal for early fall in the high backcountry of Alaska. The wind whipped through the mesh sides of the tents, and the temperature dropped below freezing that night. Seth and I shared a tent, and during the night Seth got out of his sleeping bag and into mine. Although we were squeezed in my mummy bag, I was happy to have his body warmth. However, Seth kept moving lower in the bag, seeking warmth, and I was worried that he was going to smother, so I kept unzipping the bag more so he could breathe, whereupon he would move lower in the bag. Eventually I had the bag unzipped to my waist and I was colder than when he arrived. Nevertheless, it's a happy memory, because I was with Seth and I love him so much. My love for him feels like a bright hot granite fire in my chest.
I wish that I would have the chance to do more camping with Seth and Miles. I would like to foster in them my love for the outdoors.
Ethan
The last night of our Alaska trek last August, we camped on a windswept plateau where the bush plane was to pick us up the next day. This was our guide's last trip of the season, and his tents were really summer tents, not ideal for early fall in the high backcountry of Alaska. The wind whipped through the mesh sides of the tents, and the temperature dropped below freezing that night. Seth and I shared a tent, and during the night Seth got out of his sleeping bag and into mine. Although we were squeezed in my mummy bag, I was happy to have his body warmth. However, Seth kept moving lower in the bag, seeking warmth, and I was worried that he was going to smother, so I kept unzipping the bag more so he could breathe, whereupon he would move lower in the bag. Eventually I had the bag unzipped to my waist and I was colder than when he arrived. Nevertheless, it's a happy memory, because I was with Seth and I love him so much. My love for him feels like a bright hot granite fire in my chest.
I wish that I would have the chance to do more camping with Seth and Miles. I would like to foster in them my love for the outdoors.
Ethan
Thanksgiving
I am thankful for my beautiful sons Seth and Miles. I am thankful for Grace and her love and support. I am thankful for my family, and especially my mom for all her help. I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful that I was able to go to San Francisco and North Carolina while I was feeling relatively good and spend time with my friends there. I am thankful that my dad and my sister and her family are coming here for Christmas. I hope I will be feeling OK then.
I am not thankful for some things. I am not thankful to be terminally ill at age 41. I'm not going to lie; it stinks. There are a lot of things I would still like to do, and I'm probably not going to be able to do most of them. That makes me really sad. I am most sad about not being there for my sons. They deserve to have their dad.
However, I still have my sons for now and they still have me. This afternoon I was cuddling with Miles and he was stroking my face (he likes to feel my whiskers) and he said "I love you so much." I know he is repeating what Grace and I say to him, but it was still very sweet.
The past couple of days Seth has come over to visit in the afternoon. I have been a little reluctant to have him visit when I am not feeling well, because I don't like him to see me sick, but I have found that seeing him actually makes me feel better, and it hasn't seemed to bother him. Yesterday he made me a beautiful drawing of a sailing ship. The picture says "To Daddy" and the flag flying from the ship's mast says "I hope you are Happy" and the name on the ship's bow is "Happy" and the fish in the water have smiley faces and the sun and clouds have smiley faces and there is a rainbow in the sky. It brought tears of happiness to my eyes.
When Seth came over this afternoon, Miles was crying and upset about having to go to bed for his nap. Without any suggestion from me or anyone else, Seth comforted Miles until he stopped crying, read him a book, took him by the hand upstairs, and put him to bed. I was very impressed.
Ethan
I am not thankful for some things. I am not thankful to be terminally ill at age 41. I'm not going to lie; it stinks. There are a lot of things I would still like to do, and I'm probably not going to be able to do most of them. That makes me really sad. I am most sad about not being there for my sons. They deserve to have their dad.
However, I still have my sons for now and they still have me. This afternoon I was cuddling with Miles and he was stroking my face (he likes to feel my whiskers) and he said "I love you so much." I know he is repeating what Grace and I say to him, but it was still very sweet.
The past couple of days Seth has come over to visit in the afternoon. I have been a little reluctant to have him visit when I am not feeling well, because I don't like him to see me sick, but I have found that seeing him actually makes me feel better, and it hasn't seemed to bother him. Yesterday he made me a beautiful drawing of a sailing ship. The picture says "To Daddy" and the flag flying from the ship's mast says "I hope you are Happy" and the name on the ship's bow is "Happy" and the fish in the water have smiley faces and the sun and clouds have smiley faces and there is a rainbow in the sky. It brought tears of happiness to my eyes.
When Seth came over this afternoon, Miles was crying and upset about having to go to bed for his nap. Without any suggestion from me or anyone else, Seth comforted Miles until he stopped crying, read him a book, took him by the hand upstairs, and put him to bed. I was very impressed.
Ethan
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